Contemplating: training-to-race philosophy...

So we're running a half marathon on Saturday. In Nashville. I'm not sure if you've heard yet, so there it is, the big announcement.

what the...?

My farthest distance to date is 9 miles. In a row. And I can remember when I questioned whether I would ever be able to run ONE mile without stopping. I feel pretty accomplished at this point. My only goal is to finish.

My team mates - the women, to be specific - asked me last weekend when we were all out celebrating it being a gorgeous Saturday - if we wanted to finish together. My first thought? Don't wait for me.

Then the mood changed. Suddenly I felt like I said something wrong. Maybe I was too quick to respond not in favor? Damnit Jessica, you can be too blunt too quickly sometimes most of the time.

Reading facial expressions I reflected quickly and it became more clear than ever before that we really have been training together. As a team. So asking if we wanted to decide as a team to finish as a team was a valid question!

Side note: only four of us blog here, but we do have a fifth team member. He refers to himself as our "manager".  Markus, who also happens to date me, doesn't count in this part of the conversation. He's going to finish before all of us no matter what we decide. Also, he's a man. That is all.

My whole perspective changed that evening when these three amazing women presented me with this question.

I've always had the mindset of "train together, race alone". I'm not sure why. It's not like I've ever really participated in a race before. But I just had this vision of a "training team" to be just that - a team to help you train, to help you get to the [next] race. And Staci has already been talking about what's coming after this...lardy just let me finish this first. And it's true - we DO do better when we're together, we actually WILL get out of bed when we know others are counting on us...

Part one of my hesitation to say, "Yeah! Let's finish together" is the worry that whatever-it-is-that's-been-giving-me-trouble-in-my-left-leg will require that I walk more often than my team mates need to.

Part two of my hesitation is the fact that I hate waiting on people and therefore the reverse holds true, I also don't feel comfortable with people waiting on me.

My quirks aside, part three of my hesitation is this: when you get in the zone, and you're really in the zone, you can't stop. I wouldn't dare ask, or expect anyone to stop for me when they are in the zone - perhaps because I would hope the same of others if I were in the zone...? What if we're all running along, and one of us, or two of us wants to slow it down or walk or stop to stretch, but the other/s are in the zone and stopping will just mess them up? It sounds funny but if you've ever been in that zone you know what I'm talking about.

Is it the competitiveness in me? If it is, that can't be the only thing, because again, hesitation #1 is questioning my own physical ability to perform at the rest of my team member's level come race-day due to this pain in my leg.

We never really finished the conversation or came to a decision that evening.

Part of me thinks once we get there, among all the crowds and music and other runners, adrenaline will kick-in and I won't even think about any potential pain. Maybe finishing together won't be as dramatic as I'm making it out to be.

But there's still that part of me that says, "no, go for it ladies - each woman to herself." If we pace each other, fantastic. If not, that's okay too! I guess I don't know why a decision has to be made about it at all - must we decide? Can we not let it happen naturally?

At the end of the day, at the end of the weekend, I just assume not worry about it. Let's make a plan of what time to get up to get there, where to reunite after, and just have fun! We all spend the whole week working too hard (and in most cases overtime) not to enjoy the weekend in general, but especially THIS weekend out of town.


And no, Staci, this is not your usually blunt friend Jessi showing her ability to be passive-agressive by putting my thoughts out on digital paper instead of talking them out in person...[grin]

I love you ladies. And I'm just glad you've gotten me this far. I look forward to [hopefully] crossing that finish line with you, it might not be at the same exact time, but it's still the same line. xoxo